28 February 2007

More on Lada

The thing that fascinated me in the Soviet World is that they have planned every aspect of the economy and production (not saying that they succeeded; but they did it somehow) and all effort was painstakingly shed to produce a counterpart for everything that existed in the capitalist hell. It can be clearly noticed with a closer look at the soviet (and many russian) produced items. "All produced in the homeland", nothing is exported. A friend of mine told me that the USSR only exported some precision machinery and computer chips from abroad. (Another conspiracy theory also states that it wasn't the american missiles but the computer revolution had undermined the mighty empire; it wouldn't compete with the uber-efficient western production with its rusty stalinist factories and the infamous communist efficiency..I told you a while ago that they cooled their homes by opening windows in -30...well, they still do)

-Look Masha! Communism is so close, i can feel it.
-Just get in the car and drive, idiot.

So one of the mighty answers to one of the marvels of capitalism, the individual transfer, was the production of soviet designed, produced and fueled automobiles. The rulers must have preferred the public transport (maybe because it is much more espionage-worthy to keep people bundled together) but the growing cities and the vastness of the country (it once span one-third of the Earth...really) had made the urge for automobiles...and thus came the Lada.

It is so hard to describe this machine, so we call it "Ajatelkaa Talvea - The thing that moves without eating grass" in Finland. Please check in for a free test drive on ice in the nearest Ajatelkaa Talvea Dealers in Helsinki.

With collaboration of the war-torn FIAT (and Palmiro Togliatti, the italian communist leader- oh, did you know that Italy would be a communist country unless Americans interfered with the elections? Think about how beautiful the world could be: Italians carrying the red banner in Milano and feasting with spagetti in the name of comrade Leeeenino) in pursuit to create something similar to the Volkswagen (the people's car) but they would never imagine that a legend was just yet to be born (they just intended to modify Fiat 124's to withstand Russian winter, that's all). (Boring Detail: The named the factory-city where ladas are built, Togliatti. The communists then had a tendency to name the cities after the leaders..Lenin-grad, Stalin-grad, Kalinin-grad. I would die to get my name in a city: Dincgrad)

Kruschev's favourite ride...Ladamousine. The capitalist pigs will be jeaolus!

The engine is supposed to be in the front..but you never know

I have supplied some information about Lada's before and many of you thought that the brand was to be buried in the dusty annals of automotive history.

The first Lada design team in 1982. They were later sent to Gulag for being traitors to the Socialist Design. They came back in 1989 to design more Ladas...

But Russia was quick to hold its one of the most beloved brands and hire some designers (after sticking to the prehistoric italian designs for 40 years) to create unique cars that doesn't look like any western car..at least they tried. Here are the new designs and concepts that we can see in Moscow streets soon:

Lada Peter the Great, Turbo Street Racer. The streets of Moscow will never be safe again...

Lada Aleksander Nevskiy, Cabriolet. This hot design will keep you warm.

Lada Rasputin Multivan. Keeping the legend alive

Lada Antel-2, the first ecologically safe device made in Russia. (after Chernobyl Nuclear Reactor)...nobody knows about the Antel-1 design. It was postponed after the chief designer spilled vodka on the master design.

Note: The lada in this article has no direct or indirect relations to the Russian superbrand лада. Every resemblance is purely fictional and comic in intent. Sue your designers; not me...


Anonymous said...

Hello from Finland.
Thought to straight this up: "Ajatelkaa talvea" isn't a name of some magazine. It's a catchfrase to the add and means something like "Think about the winter", referring to the fact that Lada ain't such a bad car in sub-zero temperatures.

Anonymous said...

about rasputin multivan
"this is madness"
inner voice:noooo this is russiaaaaa