01 March 2010

How can you tell if you are in post-Soviet Union?

Normally I post my own writings here but I just could not resist this hillarious post by Carpetblogger. "How Can I Tell If I am In Crapistan?". I prefer not use the word "Crap" for the countries that I currently make business with but (excluding Baltic States) all post-Soviet Union countries may adhere to this list. Examine the list carefully, since it may give you a hint about what you will face (if you already have not)
Do passengers applaud after the plane lands?

Do passengers jump out of their seats just after the plane touches down (before the applause, even), grab their bags from the bins and run toward the front? (There is an inverse relationship between the likelihood passengers do this and the importance of the activities those passengers are rushing off the plane to get started doing.)

Are most bags on the carousel swathed in high-tension plastic wrap or held together with packing string? (Again, there is an inverse relationship between the amount of plastic wrap used and the value of the bags' contents.)

Can you see any signs, advertisements or instructions written in Cyrillic, even though you are in a country that does not use the Cyrillic alphabet? (But! It is axiomatic that if you are in a country that uses Cyrillic, you are in Crapistan. Don't even try to argue otherwise because you are wrong.)

Are you struck by the talent of local (Chinese!) designers in the medium of Bedazzling?

Pointy shoes. On men (that's sort of a gimme -- if you can't recognize this, you probably aren't ready for Crapistan). Shiny suits, too.

Do you see more than ten people carrying rainbow-colored "Rave Girl" plastic shopping bags?

Is Nescafe marketed as a superior alternative to coffee?

Can you buy beer in sidewalk kiosks? In the morning?

Do you fear for your safety? Crapistan is not particularly violent. The biggest danger is becoming collateral damage in a bar fight over prostitutes.

Is the Duty Free shop cash-only?


Conrad Barwa said...

Dinc, off-topic have you seen this movie yet? Thought the theme might appeal, though I don't know if you are a fan of Akunin's work!


October said...

I would love it if we could buy beer in sidewalk kiosks here in the USA. Some things are too good to be true.

Shanidze said...

Funny, from your things listed, one can say what aim you come to Post-Soviet Union, that you have fly there, have to do with trade and so on :D

For the list: there all true, for my post-soviet homeland too, but it's not even 1% of what shapes Post-USSR =D