22 January 2007

You have been in Russia long time, when...

1)'Девушка! почему в блюде укропa нет!?' (Why are there no dills in the meal?!)
2)You feel naked without your tapochki (slippers..russian style)
3)You join a random angry bab in berating the roadworkers for how they're laying the tarmac
4)You start looking at Russians and thinking 'that is a nice outfit...'
5)You think 'woah, slow down on the pirogi!' when you see someone over a size 8
6)Someone cuts you up on the metro and you yell 'Ну ты чьё?!!! Жопа!' (hmm..very obscene)
7)You take a plastic bag everywhere 'just in case'
8)You yell 'Alyo!?' into the phone when you answer
9)You mutter 'Дурак' at the idiot who forgot the gherkins when they bought vodka
10)You join the queue at the ticket booth according to what time the tekhnicheski pererivs take place at each one
11)You remember with scorn the time when you had to buy the whole multipack of yogurts, and not just snap out your favourite flavour
12)You hit the cue-ball too hard at billiards, and just shrug 'С душой'
13)You start humming the 'dumma dumma dey... hya-da-dee, hya-da-da' song
14)You realize that potato is a polezna and appropriate pirog filling
15)'voda' and 'bezgazirovannaya' are inextricably linked in your head
16)The weird guy who lives at the internet salon turns his music on full blast and starts smoking... and you start to relax, inhale, and tap along...
17)The DSP start pulling even more cars off the road, and you're not surprised when a politician convoy goes past at 200km
18)You start measuring in km, kg, and, koneshno, sto gramms!
19)You get suspiscious when someone smiles at you (rightly so).
20)You laugh at Russian comedy
21)You argue full-belt with the check-out girl about why she overcharged you on your tampons
22)You shove in front of that damn bab to get the last carton of kefir
23)You get your queue-neighbour to save your place whilst you shop around, then return, and take your place unabashed
24)You have to check your passport to remember your arrival date
25)You start planning how to fit enough Russian food in your case to survive back home
26)You know which diminutive your friend prefers according to mood
27)You unconsciously say 'v Maskvoooo' with the right downward intonation
28)You can tell by the weight of your jacket if you have the key to your flat
29)Your friend asks you how your day was and you shake your head and say 'voobshey'
30)You start to say oiy, akh, ekh
31)'Da net!' becomes a logical and useful phrase
32)You talk with your Russian neighbour about 'those Europeans' in the ballet interval
33)You actually start to use the prefixes with verbs of motion
34)You appreciatively murmur 'bogatstvo russkovo iazika' (rich russian language) when you learn a new irregular plural
35)You say 'neuzhelli!' in a serious conversation
36)You keep typing 'н' instead of 'n'
37)You don't get it when your parents laugh if you order 'sock' (сок=juice) in a restaurant
38)You don't think about wearing your stilettoes to the club... when it's -20 outside
39)You have a mosquito mushroom plugged into your wall and remember to change the tab every day
40)The prazdnik celebrations kept you up for the 3rd time in a month
41)Strangers are 'molodoi chelovek!' (young man) or 'devushka' (young woman)
42)You ride the marshrutka shouting 'ostanovite na ostanovke' EXACTLY where you want to stop, and not worrying about handing your money to the driver via 6 people
43)You stare at the innostrantsii (outsiders) wandering around town
44)You could write so many more of these!
45)You know you're going to miss everything when you get back


Sean Guillory said...

Oh my god, I think I've done about half of these. To add to #36, I tend to write "g" (for д) instead to "d".

I would also add that you've been in Russia too long when Russians start asking you for directions, and a) you understand them, and b) you know how to direct them!

Great post.

Field Commander Dinc Arslan said...

Wow..really? Actually I managed to direct a russian who asked me for the whereabouts of the metro exit :)) no need to say that my answer was just "там" :))) but it is an improvement, right?

Carpetblogger said...

When you can, without shame or hesitation, yell "dyevushka" across a restaurant.