01 February 2007

Alternate history?

Ever wondered why all the UFOs wandered the skies of the US? Or even how on earth the little superbaby from Kripton crashed in an american corn field while 1/3 of the world was USSR by then. SO it makes a statistical confusion...

Hopefully the guys from DC Comics has succumbed to an idea of alternate storylines, where our wellknown superheroes would livein the USSR (the arch nemessis of USA and the "free" world)

Here is the deal:

Oh what a sight...shall we ever have heroes like that?

Superman: Red Son is a comic book published by DC Comics that was released under their Elseworlds imprint in April, 2003. Author Mark Millar created the comic with the premise "what if Superman had been raised in the Soviet Union?" In Red Son, Superman's rocket ship lands on a Ukrainian collective farm rather than in Kansas. (Maybe his sensors may got the infamous prpaganda "иди товарищ к нам в колхоз / Come to us comrade, to the collective farm") Instead of fighting for "... truth, justice, and the American Way," Superman is described in Soviet propaganda broadcasts "... as the Champion of the common worker who fights a never-ending battle for Stalin, socialism, and the international expansion of the Warsaw Pact." (Yeah..they would need a superman for this phenomenal cause) His "secret identity" (i.e. the name his adoptive parents gave him) is a state secret.

He was the only one to object to Stalin, because he cannot be killed

Lana Lang became Lana Lazarenko...funny

and here is some addition from me: What would Superman become if he landed in Ukrainian SSR?

-He would play soccer in Kiev State University Soccer Team instead of Kansas University Football Team.
-He would work in Pravda newspaper instead of Daily Planet
-His name would be Kyrill Konstantinov instead of Clark Kent
-He would be vulnerable to capitalist propaganda instead of kryptonite
-He would build his Fortress of Solitude in Siberia and be forced to share it with 250 other communist superheroes.
-He would only be permitted fly in between the frontiers of USSR. (The red army would build the frontiers with kryptonite to hold him inside...you'd never know what those evil capitalists do to our jewel of socialism)
-He would work on saturdays as a welder in Dnepropetovsk Steel Factories (with his x-ray vision)
-He would help the Soviet Space program by carrying soviet cosmonauts to moon and back.
-He would be a member of the State Union of Soviet Socialist Superheroes. (the others would be Supertadjik, The Incredible Azeri, Fantastic Kazakhs, The X-arMENians...etc) and he would work overtime for his annual award to a holiday resort in a Black Sea beach.( Note: All socialist superheroes would have the same superpowers and wear the same costume...weird)


T said...

wow, communist superman has a great outfit. much nicer than that ugly red, white and blue deal.

Okan said...

Well, Dinc, you got something wrong... According to the latest updates like smallville, Superman never played collage football... He merely played for his high school time for about a semester and than decided to let it go, due to his superpowers creating a danger for everyone on the field.

Field Commander Dinc Arslan said...

Master Fitnatius, I have never watched Smallville. I will correct my mistake at once.