Putin takes a taxi

Where is Dinc?

You may think that I have been either shot in the back by Latvian LADA enthusiasts or boiling myself up with excess raidoactivity near Chernobyl (which will soon happen in two months time), but on the contrary I have been busy with work, travel and a week long holiday with family. I am planning to post an invasion guide to Minsk, which happened to be a page blanche for our business and some more stories from Ukraine this week; but it seems that I will also be fully booked with a trip to Kiev and the first step back to the lovely days of being a student, TOEFL exam... (FYI: I will be ,hopefully , an MBA student in Bosphorus University this year...I know, it will be painful) Why do I need a TOEFL anyway?

Is Kiev safe?

Yes...

Although one of my friends somehow was attacked almost a year ago by some drunkards, I can say that Kiev is 99% safe ( I leave some error margin though...you never know what will happen in a city where people drink beer for breakfast).

The thing that made me say this is my 3 consecutive nights' walk through the city center and the path included a lot of semi-lit or total dark parks...thanks to my guide who insistingly told me that she would say "beat him; not me" to the attackers in case of a brawl.

Thank you anyway...

"It is all Turks' fault"

Anna Gutsol, 24, is a Ukrainian girl who has masterminded one of the most hillarious protests in Kiev so far (the best was the Orange Revolution). As you may remember from my early post, a group of Ukrainian student girls have come to senses and displayed a vivid protest against the already decades long process of the transformation of Ukraine into a nearshore brother for Europe. Our awe to this event was doubled when some of the girls were photographed carrying banners in Turkish with "Ukraine is not a Brothel".

Now Gutsol strikes back with another headline in gazeta.ua with a more concerted attack to Turkish "sex tourists" who come to Kiev for some "cultural upgrade" (comparing Istanbul or any other Anatolian city to Kiev or Moscow would be simply cruel to the latter in an artistic,cultural or city planning way) and get a "physical relaxation" as a welcome gift. 

She also added that the Turks come in groups of 40-50 (which we officially call a "morale tour for business partners") and crammed up in a post-soviet hotel and wait for a bus-load of prostitutes. The funnier thing is that those "tourists" then get drunk and wander around Khreschatyk disturbing the passing by women. I honestly think that Italians are bit more better in this street talking though..

Trip to Kiev. All Inclusive (4 Days 5 Nights) 499€..."All" inclusive?

However, let me say that it is all true...but please let's write this "tourist" thing off. Those guys are not tourists (as you all understood so far). 

Let me clarify how this "morale" thing works:

Nearly all companies working with sales quotas and regional sales teams in Turkey prefer not to pay incentives in hard cash (for tax evasion) but in some travel package to a preferrably nearby and masculinely attractive place (because it is Turkey and everything must be masculine) so that it creates an urge in those medieval minded sales personnel to meet up the quotas and earn a ticket. So do not expect a trip to Acropolis or Pyramids but think of places where the guys can fly far enough from their black haired and ugly wifes or girlfriends and their over-conservative quasi-islamic routine but near enough to return back to their football and fatty food in a couple of days. 

A photo worth thousand words: Practical Russian Speaking Guide for Turks on display with condoms

So Ukraine is the best fit for a "morale trip" and a bunch of guys from the far corners of Anatolia who have gallantly met their sales quotas of refrigerators are grouped and promised a valhalla where blonde and virgin angels will be waiting for them on the cotton clouds. Regarding that many are already pumped with prejudices that all Ukrainians (or Russsians as they still think the two are the same country anyway) are natıural born prostitutes who are positively keen on cheating their husbands with those "goodlooking" mediterranean hunks  even though the husband is there with them on the scene. So the expectations reach a sky high as the planes fly over the Black Sea and almost every notion of Anatolian life is left behind, wedding rings concealed and the first acts of teasing starts with the stewardess and continues with the marble faced passport officer ladies (I have seen some crazy guıys nearly deported while trying to flirt with the most dangerous women on Earth -Ukrainian Passport Guard). 

A typical Turkish culture tourist to Kiev

The guys pay no attention or never offered a city tour or some cannot dare to go out of the lobby (because they are threatened that the police rounds up black haired guys on the street and ask for a bribe..which is partly true anyway). The rest is obvious..they never leave the hotel and generously pay for what they have come for (even more than they would pay to a Ukrainian expat prostitute back home..even the double price). The funny thing is that the majority of them return home loaded with cheap vodka and start calling their friends' mobiles: Each and every story includes an open-minded orgy with a blonde, redhead and a brunette and a blonde in reserve and of course it is not )and never) paid for, since our guy (although looking like a rhino) has the killing looks that beamed those girls from the street (not even the club) instantly to bed. And another wave of guys start their next day with hopes of securing their seat on the next plane for the "morale trip" to Kiev, Yalta or Odessa. I pity on them...

The infamous «да нет» (yes no)

Although I heard it a couple of times during meetings, I always thought of it as a casual error or a rare expression. Saying "Yes No" (at the same time) leaves a lot for imagination - think of a case when you ask your colleague whether she has correctly calculated the discount percentages and she replies "Yes No"- and you have to count on your sixth sense to guess if your counterpart agrees or disagrees to what you have just said...normally I was always wrong.

I have seen this article in Josefina's (a Swedish student in Siberia) blog and wanted to share it with you as my exclamation to end a years long curiosity. (and an ultimate undestanding that I will never speak Russian as Russians do)

Sometimes Russians may say something that sounds so strange that you cannot - even though you know the meaning of all the words in the sentence they just uttered - for the life of you understand what they mean. An example is the famous expression «да нет» [‘yes no'] which I up until a couple of days ago always thought was closer to «да» than «нет» but I was wrong. When Russians say «да нет» what they really mean is «нет». For example: «Ты пойдёшь завтра в кино?» [‘Are you going to the movies tomorrow?] «Да нет, не пойду»[No, I'm not going].

What is to come?

Although my presence in post-soviet union has increased this month, it has equally decreased the amount I spare for my extra-curricular activities like blogging and I have accumulated loads of things to write here...especially about Belarus. Oh, my twitter acount also needs some "twitting"...

So I kindly beg for some patience and you can commemorate the Crimean Tatar Deportation (which happened 65 years ago today) by this article.

Another interesting fact is that I will be stepping on a non-Soviet country in years (except a short break to Berlin this year). I am not sure about any relevant collections from my trip to London this week but you never know. I meet some unique Russian-speakers everywhere...and believe me, each and everyone of them has a story to tell here.

Note: I would like to thank Valentina, Yura, George and Helen for their invaluable feedback and comments. Your interest keeps this project running for 2 years...

Eddy Huntington-U.S.S.R.

Юрий Антонов-Я вспоминаю (Летящей походкой)

Юбилейный концерт в Кремле, 2005 год

(Ю. Антонов - Л. Фадеев)

В январских снегах замерзают рассветы,
На белых дорогах колдует пурга,
И видится мне раскаленное лето,
И рыжее солнце на желтых стогах.

Припев:

Я вспоминаю, тебя вспоминаю,
Та радость шальная взашла, как заря.
Летящей походкой ты вышла из мая
И скрылась из глаз в пелене января.

Шесть месяцев были на небыль похожи,
Пришли ниоткуда, ушли в никуда.
Пускай мы во многом с тобою несхожи,
Но в главном мы были едины всегда.

Припев.

А, может быть, ты - перелетная птица,
И холод зимы убивает тебя.
И, хочется верить, весной возвратится
Все то, чем так коротко счастлив был я.

Victory Day!

С ДНЕМ ПОБЕДЫ!

Happy Victory Day for everyone...read more in my victory day post..

Tune in for some more posts about Minsk...soon

Kiev...then and now (Part 2)

After the smiling concierge of Premier Palace Hotel told me about it a year ago, I have quickly became an avid visitor to Andriivsky Vspusk (Andreevskiy Descent...or The Tourist Hill, as I call it) in Kiev. I was perfectly sure that the concierge, who could immediately start modeling on any European runway, would have preferred her share in my probable purchase of overpriced antiques in the hotel souvernir shop, she eventually gave in and told me that I could find some "rubbish" there, especially at the lower end of the hill.

Although uncomparable to Moscow's Izmaylovsky, Andriivsky offers a mediocre selection to the Soviet-relic hunters like me. From all those stalls selling worthless souvenirs and petty artwork, I can only recommend the stall manned by two brothers who can both be over-interested and marblefaced depending on their vodka consumption or mood at that time of day. They have countless soviet and german medals and other already rusting relics on their stall and I cannot say that it is cheap and don't ever bargain i,f they have their beercans on the stall. 

Another good bargain can be made with an old man at the end of the hill who speacializes in old newspapers and communist journals. I am sure that nobody was interested in those yellow journals than me, since he was so happy to see me dwelling between his archives on the floor. I bought a Pravda (meaning Truth, the newspaper of the Soviet Union) and an Ogonyok (meaning Little Flame, an illustrated soviet journal abouty everything and nothing) and he gave me a lot of things as a gift, including the old photo below. 

I did not hesitate to walk up the hill (equal to a day in the gym in cardiovascular means) and walked back through the Volodymirska Street to Sofiyska Ploschad where this photo was taken roughly 50 years ago. Here is what it seems like now...a bit different?

The Return of Decimetercube

For cyrillophobes, it is 0,5 DM3 (L)

Is this only in Ukraine? It is the first time I see a decimetercube sign on a consumer package...it looks like a chemical equation though.

Ruble in rubbles

Just a reminder..when I moved back from Moscow almost a year ago it was aroung 1$=25 Rubles. Have a nice day if you are still paid in US Dollars and if you still are paid at least the same amount (or if you still have a job as an expat there)

Hello Moldova!

Once a Russian friend recalled Moldovans as "Romanians who think they are Russians" (He also has another deeply moving analogy about Greeks: "Turks who think they are Italians"). 

So now that the Europe's poorest country (The glorious Republic of Moldova) makes the headlines again with the revolts that ultimately sacked the parliament. Before, it was always the Transnistrians, who seceded, waged a separatist civil war and kept the Europe's only quasi-communist Russian-backed dictatorship and their never ending dispute with Moldovan mainland alive (reminds me of Georgia and Abkhazia which is also gently supported and pet by Russia).

The flag of Moldova..or the flag of Romania(see below) with an emblem 

Moldova (or roughly, Bessarabia) used to be a frontier post of Ottoman Empire (The "Evil" Turks) but enjoyed a political autonomy by paying taxes and sending beautiful girls fto the Sultans (they still do the latter) until Mother Russia appeared at the gates and Moldova eventually became the doormat it needed to brush her boots before she poured down the Ottoman Balkanland to the ultimate objective of warm ports.  It was annexed by Russians and stayed right through the way of attacking, retreating and reattacking armies during most of its contemporary history and met an ultimate destruction at the end of WW2. 

The Coat of Arms of Moldovan Soviet Socialist Republic...notice the grapes below

Then came the formation of Moldovan Soviet Socialist Republic (MSSR) and the soviets poured a lot of roubles in rebuilding Chisinau (Kishinew) and also a lot of Russification by changing the Moldovan alphabet into Cryllic and social engineering the population by decreasing the majority of Romanians in the MSSR, that is the very essence of the troubles of Transnistria today, where the majority of the populatian are Slavic in contrast to the rest of Moldova (which is roughly 75% Romanian). Leonid Brezhnev who used to be the party boss in MSSR then rose to be the premier of USSR and you can understand how those roubles were allocated by the way he ran USSR years later (his administration pushed USSR to bankruptcy) 

The breakaway Transdnestrian region..only acknowledged by Russia and candidate for the worst shaped country ever.

The flag of Transdnestria...it is not a joke. They still use those symbols there (or don't have a TV)

Romanians are the majority in Moldova

Boring Information: There is also a Orthodox Christian Gagauz minority in Moldova (which we in Turkey claim them as Turkish brethren and can speak in a better Turkish than many Azerbaidjani can do)  which may be of interest to some of my readers.

So we can say that Moldova is another confused nation just like Ukraine, where the national identity was also suppressed, many roaming armies and the eventual Soviet occupation and ultimate shift to market economies left deep marks in the nation. This caused the polarisation to the West or Russia. It means that nobody believes that a Moldovan or Ukrainian identity can save the country from the current troubles, only the helping hand of West/US or the iron grip of Russia (a longing for USSR) can. Therefore the internal politics cannot (or would not) focus on the real problems but create politics of fear and retribution about losing the country's autonomy or unity (reminds me of another country...hmmm). 

"Yevropeans, save us from the evil reign of kommunists and let us in so that we can cheat the welfare system and enjoy unemployment benefits without ever working"

"Mircea, take this chair to my mum, she will love to see a new piece of furniture in years"

Damaged buildings in Moldova will be repaired using state funds designated for universities at which [some of] the protesters are students...this is so Turkish!

The latest "Twitter Revolution" in Moldova can be similar to Ukrainian Orange Revolution but actually it is not; because nobody cares about Moldovan nation than they do about the Moldovan wines in their cellars. In Ukraine it is different; Ukraine is Russia's soft belly and owns the outlets of gas, the main moneypot of Russia. So you own Ukraine and you deliver a serious blow to Russia; but if you own Moldova...you own nothing but a bunch of "Romanians who thought they were Russians, then changed their mind and wanted to be independent Moldovans and then made up their minds that they are better off being Romenians in the EU so that their girlfriends would not be forced to prostitution in Turkey"

The "Failing" State

Is it really happening? Most of Ukraine must be missing Soviet years I guess (Not the ones that I meet in Kiev though) 

There are even discussians in academic-economic scenes that Ukraine has to abandon her national currency (The mighty Ghghhryvna) and accept Euro (or Yevra as it is called in post-Soviet Union) instead. I am no economist and never did good in both academic and personal economy in my life, I can say that dollarisation/euroisation never works (it did not in Turkey)

...and still, the politicians are just so busy looting the already crippled economy. Reminds me of another country...hmmm

Police...

I stumbled upon this photo on a web site about East Germany (I know I became a bit addicted to East German (DDR) stuff after my visit to Berlin.)

If the German title "Das Gute Buch-" is cropped, the photo below could be very similar to a daily street scene in Russia or Ukraine: Police checking documents and a shaking citizen waiting for the outcome (bribe or potential incarceration or both)...the funny thing is that is (was) in East Germany.

Totalitarian states needed (and still need) those thugs to keep the population in control...

Another photo online

Take a look at my photo of Zoya Kosmodemyanskaya's grave at Novodevichy Cemetery in Moscow, used in this web site. (German)

Wrap-Up and a recent encounter with Ukrainian State

Unfortunately the ever rising business load, painful aerospace delays and non-virtual socializing habits have deterred me from posting; but let me summarize what has happened since I have last posted something on this blog. 

After almost 2 years, I have been asked for documents and eventually taken to a police station in a post-soviet country. Actually, I am frequently asked for documents because of my "Southern Caucasus" looks but this time I have forgotten to take my passport with me (which can make you eligible for summary execution inversely proportional to the amount of money in your wallet). I have been giving solid advices to travellers and fellow invaders about the importance of carrying a passport preferrably with a neat amount of money for "donation to the police force" but there is always an error in human factors (or this is what we have been taught in university). 

So I have taken the liberty of this error to go out on a friday night in Kiev with my colleague for a dinner without a passport or any identity document that is acceptable in soviet standards. On our way back, a bunch of crack police toorps crammed in a semi-armored troop carrier stationed on a pavement on Kreschatyk Street (the very center of Kiev) hurled out fully armed and asked for our documents while showing a fake salute. My colleague with his more European looks, asking "What's going on here?" and a passport in his hand was not a good prey for these underpaid securty personnel but I with Southern Caucasian looks (aka Black Hair), accented Russian and no passport, was a perfect candidate. Implying that we were coming back from a dinner (on Kreschatyk) was also a clear indication that we had some spare money for a "donation". Every sensible attempt to make them understand that I had a legitimate passport with a year-long business visa and the document in question laid in our apartment just a block away was no cure for their unquenched desire for hosting me in a nearby police station to show me about the unsurpassed quality of Ukrainian security system.

Eventually, my colleague was dismissed and ran to the flat to fetch the documents but I was already tucked in the troop carrier with almost half of the Kievan police (militsiya) at 2am, driving to the station surprisingly just a block away in a familiar direction (actually making it adjacent to our apartment). I was ordered out and treated somehow like a normal citizen would be in a normal civilized country (I admit that I was not expecting a Guantanamo though). As they understood that I am not an Armenian immigrant-cum-trader that is looking for some drug-addict Ukrainian teenage girl to force to prostitution in a far away European country, one of them asked me what we have been eating and drinking that night and even tried to smell my breath to check the amount of vodka I have consumed (I didn't drink that day and if i did, vodka would not be my choice). His colleagues jokingly agreed that I had downed a half-bottle (palu-butilichki) vodka with the testing guy's facial expression when he came near my face (I guess it was rather my new Armani perfume, which also keeps Ukrainian girls away from me). The one who seemed like a sergeant or an officer was busy scribbling on a brownish dirty piece of paper (which had the same texture as an american toilet paper) was asking my name, what it meant in Turkish, my sexual orientation and how many girlfriends I have in Kiev, wrote down these essential details in his makeshift report and handed out to me to sign just as my colleague entered the station with my passport with him. I tried to read the handed report (consisting of a hieroglyphic ukrainian handwriting stating that "I have forgotten my passport at home, went out and committed a shameful crime. I am sorry deeply and will not do that again". 

I signed with a fake signature and gathered the contents of my wallet which had been a funny material for the rest of the crew for some time (they enjoyed my driving licence and tried to read the latin scripts or making funny noises while trying). As we walked away to the exit, the sergeant yelled " Hey Turk, you have been dining today, drinking today. What about us? Why don't we dine and drink too?" which can be translated as "Hey filthy Turk! Give us some money so that we can but cheap vodka (industrial defreezing agent) and salo (pork fat) or I can make sure that I can devise a thousand more crimes that you have committed in the last 15 minutes of your existence". I gave a covert signal to my colleague to stay away a bit, since he was carrying a well packed 100 US dollar notes on him and moved forward to show my already well combed wallet with just 32 hryvnas (4$) in it. "This is all I have , officer" and left the money on a nearby desk without trying to look on  their disappointed figures. All we needed to do was just to take 15 steps to go to our flat. If I was alone with noone to bring back my passport and just 32 hryvnas on me, I would be locked down in a flea infested cell just 15 steps out of my flat and my passport. Sometimes I am lucky indeed.

So never NEVER step out without a passport in Ukraine and Russia (or any post-soviet state)

Note: Turklish Invasion denounces any attempt to bribe the glorious and couregous servicemen of the Ukrainian and Russian security personnel. All money given by Dinc are willing and voluntary donations to make the already perfect system a perfect example for their European counterparts.

Ostalgia

Although my recent trip to Berlin was shadowed by a packed business schedule and snow, I still found time to drop by DDR (East Germany) Museum to satisfy my "Ostalgia" (Nostalgy for East German way of things). Photos coming soon.

Copydude has more fun stuff about Ostalgia...

Note: Dinc, of course, bought a simple piece of cement that is labeled as a "Piece of Berlin Wall" for a couple of Euros.

Partners in Crime

The Russian Prime Minister-cum-Tsar Putin has announced that Ukraine is "in a state of pre-bankruptcy" during a meeting with Russian miners from Novokuznetsk (somewhere deep in Russia where they simply do mining).

Putin: "Let's see those noncomformist, separatist, corrupt Ukrainians suffer"

He also added that Russsia will be more symphathetic to Ukraine with the delayed debts from gas and added "You cannot finish off a partner"...I think he meant "You cannot finish off an enemy...You should wait and watch him suffer"

So here is another crazy bailout idea for Ukraine that we have found during a recent business session about our ill-fated investments in the country: 

Divide the country in half. (Easier said than done though)

Even the flag has two colors...

Integrate Eastern Ukraine to Russian Federation as a semi-independent republic (like Tatarstan). The Western Ukraine would be the Republic of Ruthenia with its capital Lvov (Lviv) and incorporated into European Union. The soviet heritage gas pipeline would be watched over and cared after by an international consortium of stakeholders and would not be a nuisance anymore. Everybody would be happy...

No comment

Boring Information: Although the term "Ruthenia" refers to as wider area in Central Europe where Slavs lived (and still living), it was used for a longer time than "Ukraine" by Ukrainians as a reference to their homeland.

Note: Turkish Invasion supports the unity of all countries, especially in the ones that Dinc has business interests.

Dinc suggests Anna Reid's "Borderland" for a thorough understanding of Ukraine

Twitter

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